Call out to Jeffrey Toobin

The Discovery Channel, now Warner Bros. Discovery, is in the midst of consolidating its media acquisitions, such as CNN. Apparently this transition hastened the employment decisions of Jeffrey Toobin.

Jeffrey Toobin has decided to exit his lofty perch at CNN. Toobin was an Assistant United States Attorney in Brooklyn for almost four years. For 20 years, he was the chief legal analyst at CNN. He also wrote for The New Yorker Magazine and is an Emmy award winning journalist. He is now unemployed. Most media watchdogs agree that Toobin was strongly encouraged to GTFOH, due to the staff changes and his struggle with onanism.

During the pandemic in October 2020, Toobin was caught on camera practicing onanistic behaviors culminating in hasty pudding. He was attending a Zoom work call with his colleagues at The New Yorker magazine. Toobin did not realize that the self gratification of his loins were on display. His colleagues were mortified. Toobin was fired from The New Yorker magazine, but inexplicably kept his job with CNN. Toobin was able to take a lengthy absence to reflect on his deliberate action in his nether regions while his reputation plummeted down that hill.

Toobin, like Louis C.K. and Chris D’Elia were able to weather the storm, deliver a well rehearsed apology and restart their careers. Toobin returned to the air in June 2021. Unlike Bill Cosby and R. Kelly, Toobin was not under continuous media scrutiny while on his self-imposed hiatus. What media outlet will hire Toobin? Is he destined for a podcast? Either way, let’s hope he keeps his zipper in the upright position.