Well, now

Boobs and Aunt Flo appearing at 11 years old was traumatizing and empowering. I had cramps so bad that my pillow was tired of hearing me scream. I had to tell Mom, which led to conversations and lessons about maxi pads. I completely balked about shoving a tampon like a cotton cork in my vagina; until I had a leak that pooled into my white Keds and I thankfully, was the only one who noticed. How that crimson trail of corpuscles didn’t reveal itself on my pants was a miracle and the nurse thought the same thing; especially since I was wearing light colored denim. The nurse candidly told me to use tampons and a pad when going to school. My quest for invisibility was shattered because of my boobs, they were visible and I received new found attention from every boy in every group. There were some girls commenting, but at the time I thought they were envious because I got there first. In retrospect, I think some wanted to cop a feel for real.

After about three months of having my menses, I figured out that I could use it as a weapon to have everyone leave me alone. My father would stop talking and leave the room when I said to Mom that I needed more tampons. My siblings were usually at some sporting or band event, so they were not privy to these conversations, unless they were putting away groceries and then the trash talking would start. I would whine to Mom that I had a headache and cramps and she would tell me to go bed. She would bring me a heating pad, grilled cheese and ice cream. She wrote notes to school regarding my homework assignments that I didn’t feel like doing at this sensitive time…